It sounded like he was keeling over from a heart attack or maybe choking on a chicken bone.

But the guy at the end of the bar was merely moaning his distress over an article in the newspaper.

“Oh, jeez,” he moaned. “It’s so embarrassing. Aren’t you embarrassed?”

I checked to see if my fly was open or my comb-over out of place, but all was in order.

No,” he said. “I mean it’s embarrassing for the whole city, don’t you think?”

I nodded and noted that it hadn’t been the greatest season.

“Still,” I said, “the Lions have an even lousier record than we do and …”

“Not talking about the Chiefs,” he snapped. “I’m talking about Mark Funkhouser and his wife, what’s-her-name, Splittiro.”

“It’s Squitiro.”

“Whatever. The two of them are givin’ this city a black eye, talking to Diane Sawyer, giving interviews to out-of-town papers …”

He signaled the bartender for another double, and before he weighed into the familiar litany – the Minuteman appointment, the earthy Christmas letter, the wife evicted from City Hall – I was off my stool and out the door.

Suddenly, almost everyone in town claims to be embarrassed by the First Couple, even the ones who voted for the Funk. It’s gotten worse since our City Hall soap opera went national in the last couple of weeks. First The Wall Street Journal, then “Good Morning America,” then Fox.

 Late this week, The Associated Press put out its version — headlined “Who runs Kansas City – the mayor or his wife?” — and the story went global. Even got space on a Web site in Malaysia.

And so, back in KC, many folks are saying, “Oh, the shame of it all.”

And “What will people think?” and “Heavens” while shaking their heads the way parents do when the kids get picked up for shoplifting.

Proving once more that Midwesterners are easily shamed. Why, as a lifelong Midwesterner, I’m even embarrassed by our embarrassment.

But look at it this way. Things could be far more embarrassing.

In fact, stories with headlines like “Mayor of Kansas City ‘henpecked’.” (the Concord Monitor in New Hampshire) take attention away from sources of even greater embarrassment.

Take the Kansas City School District. What if, instead of focusing on Mark Funkhouser and Gloria Squitiro, the national media looked at the revolving door that leads to the district superintendent’s office? The school board is searching for its next victim even now.

Or how about the pitiful state of our mass transit system? Biggest city in the nation (or nearly so) without light rail!

Of course, we all know that the leadership at City Hall was derelict for decades in addressing the sad state of the sewer system, which now will cost billions to rebuild.

But aren’t you glad that story isn’t more widely known? Even now, people thinking of moving here are totally unaware of that embarrassing problem – and how much they might ultimately pay to fix it.

Granted, it’s not a public relations coup for KC when Mark and Gloria go on national TV to give their side of the “mammy” incident for the nth time.

Or find themselves responding to questions about a certain medical procedure.

But it’s far less embarrassing, as Johnson Countians can tell you, than when your district attorney is chastised by the state supreme court for “inexcusable” behavior in a criminal case.

Or known widely, as Topeka still is, as being home to a pack of hyenas who picket military funerals. Or known, as Kansas is, as the place where evolution was put on trial as recently as this decade.

What I’m saying is, there are worse things than fearing you’ll be mocked because your mayor seems to suffer from separation anxiety.

If nothing else, this little saga demonstrates that Kansas City is not nearly as bland and boring as some make it out to be.

We’re more than just the home to some mighty fantastic barbecue joints and some mighty lousy sports franchises.

We’ve got this quirky mayor who loves his wife so much that he’d fight City Hall for the right to keep her by his side at all times.

And while some maintain the furor over the couple is a needless distraction, I’m not so sure about the “needless” part.

The way things are in today’s economy, any distraction from the really bad news out there is a distraction worth having.